I Failed the Home Study. Really.

So we go to get a new cat to be a companion animal to our family. When we started out, we were erroneously saying we were going to get a new pet but then were quickly educated that most rescue groups don't call them "pets" anymore. Apparently, the word "pet" offends the dignity of most cats and dogs. Who knew, other than the rescue groups in question? Perhaps the pet protests were held the week I got laid off and I just missed the news. After all, my head was still spinning too much to enjoy watching as they just kept having these pesky reports that the economy was clearly approaching the Apocalypse for the unemployed.

In any event, to deal with the rescue groups, I quickly discovered that I had to "have a deep respect for the animal rescue culture and be interested in learning more about it." Also had to express a "knowledge of the animal rescue people and the care they take for abandoned animals." Given I pulled this off for a Chinese person, figured I could nail that one without much effort.

So, our mission to adopt a fifth member of our family was launched with gusto. We designed a very scientific plan and companion search strategy and set out to tactically implement it. First, the kids and I traveled to the abandoned companion animal center and expressed our deep respect for the companion animals and the culture they came from. Second, we got permission to go into the feline housing block. Third, we sat in the middle of the room and had the little Chinese girl practice the Chinese opera screams that are apt to come out when she recognizes a feline being, especially one that resembled her lost Beluga if Beluga had been on Jenny Craig for a month.

After our well planned tactics were executed with great verve and at high volume, we decided that the only feline not hiding on the top shelf was, by default or bad luck, our new family member. We figured he was either deaf or lame but were assured he was not. So, off we went out to fill out our home study to adopt Sammy - a beautiful white cat that had just enough Siamese in him to be appropriately Asian.

We checked one more center but didn't find any waiting companions that were clearly lacking the sense to not be at least 10 feet off the ground or frantically banging on the door to get away from the little screaming person.

So, it's prayers at night for Sammy, the new addition to the Anchaya household. The older one prays that he is having a good night and that he doesn't mind the screaming to come all that much.

The next day, I call the center to see when we can pick him up. I get put on hold. For a while. A long while. Then, I get referred to a supervisor who told me that , "you can not adopt Sammy. Your home study was not approved." I explained that I had been approved by both the US and China to adopt a person and that I figured the animal center most certainly was mistaken. Nope, she says, your application states you intend to torture Sammy. I let her know that although our parenting methods may be a bit unique, none include water boarding. I did, however, concede that we do have a bit of sleep deprivation when the little one makes the decision that she needs a good night of screaming instead of a good night's sleep.

Nope, she still says. Your home study states you might declaw Sammy if he starts tearing up the house and that is considered torture under some United Nations convention or at least by the rescue group. I ask what I need to do to redeem myself to reenter polite society and become eligible for a companion animal named Sammy.

The answer, not much. I'd been identified and labeled. Even though I could clearly show that I still had the little Chinese person and that she clearly had all of her fingernails although she does, at times, tear up the house, it was a "no". And not just a "no". It was a "no way, no how, why don't you move to Gitmo and work there as that is where you clearly belong type of "no".

Lovely experience. The older was really upset and I had to explain how I thought that maybe Sammy's parents apparently came and reclaimed him so he could be with his siblings.

Another day, another search began.