SPAM is good food

It is safe to say that I rarely think about SPAM, that fine canned meat product. Whole years have gone by without me pondering the product. In fact, I probably could have gone the rest of my life and continued to a reasonably productive member of society without gaining a deeper understanding of it. Really. But that was not to be.

The other day, I was gleefully on the way home from the dentist. I had to spend some quality time on a bridge over the freeway. As I marveled at the way it shook every time something heavy drove over it, my happy holiday thoughts turned to SPAM. No connection, just another sign of a disturbed mind. I reflected on the fact that the highest per capita consumption of SPAM is in Hawaii, something I learned on my trip there. Can't recall where I stayed and sort of recall Robert was there with me, but by gosh, I do recall that they have the highest per capita consumption of SPAM. I'm sure it has something to do with being stranded on an island and therefore not knowing any better. So, I carefully considered whether I was a hypocrite for eating the product as a kid and on a spring roll in Hawaii (and secretly liking it) while also thinking the Cantonese food was really, really scary. After 1 or 2 seconds of deep contemplation, I decided nope, worm stew is clearly outside the bell curve of acceptable. If the worms were ground up, gelled, spiced and canned, maybe I would reconsider. And that was that.

Except it wasn't. I get 5 miles or 50 minutes down the freeway and they start talking about SPAM on the radio. The DJ mentions he is from Hawaii and there is nothing like a little bit of fried SPAM tied to a rice ball with some seaweed. I'm thinking, what a damn SPAM coincidence. Think I should call Robert to tell him all about it but then decide I value my marriage more than that. So, that was that.

Except it wasn't. I get home and flip open the newspaper. Right there, in bold print, is an article announcing, "SPAM singles are great, great, great" Really. The part about it being in the paper, not that it is "great, great, great." Unless they mean that it is only a single serving that you need to eat before you move on but even then I'd only stipulate to "good, good, good."

So, I've spent the last two days pondering what it all means while humming the Twilight Zone theme to help my contemplative effort. Of course, I could be thinking about something a bit more useful like how do I continue to get the kids matching pajamas or why Mia doesn't care like the car Aidan is showing her but by gosh, I only have so many brain cells available. Finally, after some enthusiastic humming, it just came to me. SPAM is just MAPS in reverse. Without a doubt, I am meant to be the proud owner of a GPS device. Thankfully, they seem to be in "great, great, great" supply this Christmas season. And one has my name all over it.