Hyperbole as Feel-Good Food

So I just got back from a meeting in Chicago, a city well known for its regional deep dish pizza and its special St. Patrick's Day green beer. And, if one is willing to be charitable, you could even give them credit for ball-park hotdogs. But, as far as I knew before Wednesday of last week, that was pretty much the extent of Chicagoland’s regional culinary delights.

So, I was looking forward to having some of that deep dish pizza. Or at least a ball park frank. As it was a fancy hotel meeting, I was sure that nothing but the best would be served to us and I knew they wouldn’t be able to resist showcasing the foods that put the city on the map.

But, unbeknownst to me, another regional specialty existed and given the recession and all, our hotel apparently saved the pizza money to present us with it. And, just in case we might miss their efforts and feel slighted, they kindly printed a little sign to let us know that we were being served a “regional selection of breads.” And what a selection it was.

White, wheat and for the more adventurous in our group, rye. Imagine my surprise as I thought I had seen the same white bread in Ohio, Atlanta, and in any gas station I’ve stopped in, grungy or not, while on the road throughout this great country of ours. And in Mexico, China and Peru believe it or not. And, I don’t recall any credit being given to the city of Chicago in any of these places. And the wheat and rye breads. What a joy it was to be able to experience them. It seemed a bit like déjà vu, but perhaps I had only been dreaming when I thought I had seen them before all over the world.

So then I got up a couple of days ago to go to work. Bleary eyed, tired and in need of some mighty fine potassium. Went to get a banana for my breakfast and noticed that my darling husband had labeled it, apparently so I wouldn’t think that that I was going to eat any odd generic banana. Nope, he made sure I knew it was Del Monte quality which I thought was pretty interesting, considering I hadn’t discussed the regional origin of white bread with him and and my opinion that, maybe, just maybe, it was a bit of hyperbole on the hotel's part.

So now I must just assume that everyone but me got a memo on the proper presentation of recession era food. It’s all in the marketing after all, isn’t it?

But, as the week has gone on, I have recognized that I didn’t get the memo because I might have questioned it. Especially the Del Monte quality part. After all, Del Monte is the company that makes those cat treats that are made from animal digest and, as their customer service rep recently pointed out to me, is somehow extracted from the organs of healthy animals and made “palatable”. Sure hope this recession eating ends soon or next time I'm in Chicago they will be serving those cat treats relabled as beef jerky or something. Yum.

Ear Karma

So I went to the hairdresser to get my hair cut for a Valentines ball that we were going to. My express instructions were that after the cut these awesome, cubic zirconium earnings I own would be able to be well displayed. I had just repierced my ears a week earlier to show the kids just how cool it was and how tough Mommy really is. They especially liked the bleeding part where the bleeding wouldn't stop due to my aspirin intake earlier that day and were more than amused by the attempt to bandage one ear. After my son and I crafted the bandaging, I looked like Van Gogh on one of his slightly saner days and now suspect that I may end up with heavily pierced kids given their amazement of the whole process. I did do my share of screaming and moaning to discourage such acts in the future as any good parent would obviously do.

Now, my hair at its longest would be called "really short" so making sure the earnings were in plain view wasn't a stretch. Nonetheless, we cut off about half of my hair. And I went to the ball and hardly any blood came out of my ears and that which did was just a nod to what a woman will do for beauty. And, red was the color de jour.

Now, when I was a child, well before I morphed into the sensitive, caring, thoughtful, well-spoken, nice and unbelievably humble individual that I am today, I made a few life mistakes. Now, I could excuse them as I was probably around 11 at the time, but even if I did, the karma had already been set in motion. Although many will find this almost impossible to believe, I actually teased one of my brothers about his ears sticking out from his head when he was a child, leading him to wear a pageboy haircut for several years which made him look like that kid on some brand of paint while the other kids did not look like paint can models. This caused him great anguish as children do happen to be the meanest creatures on earth and his classmates were, of course, children. Of course, this teasing probably helped turn him into the successful man he is today although it is also possible that his higher education, JD degree and his working his butt off might have also had something to do with it but, hey, at least I planted the seed.

So, back to the hair and its consequences. I went from really short to "what were you thinking" which was, "hey, in this economy, if I cut it this short, I only have to show up three times a year."

And, I now apparently also have a haircut that is "elf like". Or so I thought I was lovingly being informed of by the son last night. He was so excited he was hollering, "MOMMY, FROM THE BACK YOU LOOK LIKE AN ELF!" I knew he was referring to those elves that have their hair painted on versus those that have that yarn stuff but who cares, he likes elves and he was lovingly comparing me to one of those great creatures. I mean, he wasn't telling me I look like a troll although I can do that look effortlessly in the morning. Nope, an elf it was. Of course, using my best Carl Rodgers reflecting skills to make sure he knows he was really, really heard I stated, "I look like an elf" which gave him the lead to add more information and he did. He informed me that " from the back YOUR EARS STICK OUT JUST LIKE AN ELF! I know I shouldn't have gone there, but awesome parent that I am, I know he needs to be really, really listened to so I stated, "from the back, my ears stick out just like an elf and that is good." Apparently, I didn't quite reflect the message accurately as he didn't quite agree with the good part as his assessment was, "Nope, not quite good". So now I'm making sure no one is standing behind me which is causing me to have to rotate in circles quite a bit. What the heck, it will grow back in three month or so. I sure hope I don't have any other karma teed up and heading my way but, even if so, I'm not going with the pageboy.