Exorcism with Your Soda?

So, I started my day as usual, stopping at the BP for my fountain Diet Coke. And, today, I got some great advice from a somewhat regular there and someone I know from church and church activities. From what I can tell, she is a tad insane. Not fully yet, but working her way up the ladder. She is a Catholic convert to boot and those of us who are cradle Catholics are generally scared of the converts as they can make the rest of us look bad. Fortunately, they are easy to indentify because they can generally sing and do so in church. Being able to sing in tune or actually with the music seems to be a Catholic deficiency so if the signing sounds good, it is a good warning that a convert is near.

Now, it isn’t that we don’t want and love converts, we do and we evangelize, but they just seem to read all the material, attend all the classes, have a full understanding of all of the theology and catechism and make the rest of us look like idiots, especially at church trivia nights. Question – “who was the third pope?” Ding, ding, ding, “Anacletus”. “Yes, the correct answer from the Methodist convert in the back.” “What happened to the first five popes?” Ding, ding, ding, “martyred”. “Yes, the correct answer from the Espicopalian convert on the right” and so on which is the reason we actually don’t have church trivia nights. Bingo where state laws allow, yes. Trivia, no.

So, anyway, the gal gave me some paperwork for a retreat coming up soon. Told me that she saved the paperwork for me because I specifically needed to go and that the priest putting it on was a wonderful speaker but, more importantly, an exorcist. I asked about the priest – wanted to see if he is a Roman Catholic rogue but, alas, I found out from the registration material that he is legit and well respected. However, my self-appointed exorcism sponsor also told me that the priest has to be very, very careful since the masons are trying to assassinate him. I’m assuming she meant the Masonic Lodge Masons that drive those little red cars in parades versus the guys you see laying brick. Never have seem very dangerous to me and I don’t see them as being very successful in running down a priest with one of those little clown cars but what do I know? Maybe the priest can’t run very fast.

But, I checked the material. You have to pre-register and prepay a nonrefundable fee. Now, why in the heck would I do that? Maybe the Masons will get him by then and I’d be out of the dough. Sheesh.