The Vomit Comet

Went on the most awesome family vacation to California, compliments of my parents. Took the whole clan except for one brother and his wife as they are currently quite occupied with the whole gestating process. And, bar none, it was the most awesome vacation ever. Thirteen of us began the trip together and as we had three cars to keep a safe distance between all of us, thirteen of us returned, albeit one of us with only one good arm when she started with two perfectly fine ones. The vacation was so big and taught us so many exciting and unusual things that I will have to outline it for our remembrance over the next couple of weeks.

One of the important things we learned was that our little clan seemed to have a humongous Mercury Marquis to ourselves all the time even though we offered to switch it up as we drove somewhere around half the distance to the moon and back over eight days. Offered to spend some quality car time with the siblings in their car. Made an exciting offer for others to experience our children’s wonder of the experience while also thinking of new and creative answers to the “are we there yet?” question. Heck, the vehicle had enough room for the four of us and approximately 27 circus clowns. As long as they were the short kind. And, one elephant that wasn’t quite full grown.

Obviously, the perfect car for me to be driving around the mountainous roads. Could get it to bank in the turns which provided a good forum for the Peruvian to show his courage to the kids. He appreciates me giving him those opportunities as often as I can. Can just see it in his eyes. What a learning experience the driving was for them. It was just like driving on the open ocean – lean to the right, lean to the left, lean to the right and so on.

But, there was some unfortunate 40-year old karma at work here. Seems I made the same trip, same road with my folks when I was four. Rental car then too. And, I was such a considerate child. After all, I cared enough not to vomit in the car we owned. At least not on this trip. Nope, saved my vomiting violently for the rental car my father needed to use to drive his business associates around in the next day. Sort of recall that he wasn’t too happy about it. But, heck, if it was the 60’s, should have been easy enough to hose off the vinyl seats.

Now, cars have changed over the years but some things stay the same. Yosemite National Park has some pretty curvy roads to drive a barge around. And this can make folks feel a bit funny. Which is somewhat how Aidan explained to us that perhaps he was feeling a tad odd. Sort of went like him vomiting and then stating the obvious and with great surprise, “Hey, I just threw up” causing me to look in the rear view mirror just in time to see the second explosion coming right at my head. Dead aim. Have to admit I’ve never seen anything quite like it with the exception of that Exorcist scene. I expertly ducked while keeping the car on the road and then pulled over to discover that yes, he had indeed exploded and yes, there may have been some validity to suggestions that perhaps my insistence that the son drink large quantities of water so he didn’t get dehydrated might somewhat have caused the explosion. Mia thought it was rather awesome. You could see the respect in her eyes as she realized that her brother apparently has some kind of fountain built in. Way cooler than that one you run in at the park. She gave him some hearty applause.

Well, cars no longer come with vinyl seats to easily hose off. At this point, I’m thinking that is a retro fad we need to bring back along with those vinyl couch covers that your legs stuck too. But, I digress.

Ever resourceful, we stopped at the next completely out of the way gas station to begin the process of clean up. Don’t know how much they appreciated me washing the floor mat in their windshield washing bucket but since they didn’t stop me, I figured what the heck, I’ll do it and then accidentally kick it over which worked swimmingly. Fortunately, it was a dive of a place. We bought an $8 roll of paper towels; a $10 box of Clorox wipes, and then locked ourselves in a bathroom with a utility sink – especially designed for hosing down children of all sizes and apparently emptying mop buckets or who knows what.

All while we were using their store as a kid wash; the operators stood behind the counter and watched the activity which somehow made it a bit more sick fun. Would have taken bets they would have at least asked what the heck we were doing but, nope, we walked back and forth in front of the counter on the way to the utility sink, carrying wet clothes, a wet car seat, and a wet kid. Guess they figured it was a bit more info than they wanted.

Finally finished up and considerately suggested to the kids that they could finish the ride in the trunk. They were game until I explained that little problem me might have with Eric Estrada or whomever has replaced him on the California Highway Patrol. So it was back into the barge to continue our tour.