Sunday, November 29, 2009

Halloween Attire


Halloween was a good one at our house this year. It only required one costume change for the daughter which is approximately 5.5 fewer costume changes than a typical day. However, it must be pointed out that despite the frequent costume changes, the daughter is also quite thrifty. In fact, if she finds an outfit that screams to be worn three weeks straight, day and night, church, home and store to get the full investment value out of the purchase, then, by gosh, she will keep it on, apparently to help the family and country understand that you don't need a lot of stuff to be happy. Unless, of course, something better comes up and she changes her mind which takes place at roughly twice the speed of light.

So, accordingly, the Pumpkin Princess appeared right after Halloween when the princess garb was 90% off and I mistakenly thought it might be a cute dress up outfit. For a day. Or two. A week max, especially with the pumpkin headband that, from a distance, resembles an orange tick gorging himself on princess blood. Heck, had I known I was creating the Permanent Pumpkin Princess of Alpharetta, Georgia, I might have rethought the $2.49 purchase. A week and a half after her Permanent Pumpkin Princess coronation, which had occurred well before we hit the Target checkout line, I tried explaining that we had certainly gotten our full investment value out of the garment and she was going to freeze her butt and other parts off given the frigid weather if she insisted on continuing to wear the garment without any accommodations.

Some change in day wear was strongly being called for and was known not to violate her Pumpkin Princess oath which, as I informed her, I had carefully read on her behalf and would never let her violate. However, the princess clearly communicated in her very special and amazingly loud way that any outerwear or alterations in her garb would, in her opinion, not only invalidate her princess status but would also not be fair to her constituents and she just couldn't have that. Nope, not under any circumstances. Period and Amen. And, if she needed to demonstrate that she meant it by ripping off her tights and jacket to fulfill her duties, by gosh, she would. And did. In less than 30 seconds. All while strapped into her car seat. Have to admire the devotion to her cause. But I am sure hoping that the Houdini clothing skills disappear well before she is in her teens.







I Married a Clown


Really. Enough said.

He Put them in the Trunk?

So, this guy somewhere in America decided to lock his two children in the trunk of his car so that he could go shopping. Black Friday Specials from what I understand. When questioned by the authorities, he declared that "the kids liked to play in there." Now, I was shocked by this story, to say the least.

The glaringly obvious question - Who is this guy that apparently loves shopping? What gene did he get that the rest of the men on the planet do not share? Can this gene be shared?

Oh yeah, and the kids in the trunk thing. From the vantage point of the mother of a very opinionated and incredibly vocal three year old, I'm suprised I didn't think of that angle first. Just saying. Not like I would do it. My kids do not like to play in the trunk of the car.

Monday, November 16, 2009

The Great Biblical Tradition of David vs. Gloria

At dinner, the son let me know he was really excited about reading his bible tonight before bed because he was going to read his favorite story, that is, David vs. Gloria. Pretty sure I was playing hooky the day we went over that one at bible school. Sounds pretty Kramer vs. Kramer to me so I'm thinking this one should be interesting.

Odd that he would come up with that bit of confusion as I don't quite recall reading the story to him that way before he could make out the words on the page. It wouldn't have saved any time or otherwise amused me. Well, probably not a lot. And, if that did happen by some cosmic error, it certainly wasn't because someone interpreted the bible to me that way. Then again, my parents were the responsible type. I, on the other hand, have a plaster pope as my strongman. But, it works by gosh. I'm thinking of seeing if Buca de Bepo restaurant will sell him to me. Stealing him just seems wrong on so many levels.